Jay's Interest: October 2016

Is there anything prettier than autumn in Iowa?? Perfect days, cool nights, no humidity. Of course my favorite thing about fall is that it’s that special time of year when the colors of the leaves and the color of Donald Trump’s hair intersect. Which leads to this question:  I wonder if anyone has ever accidentally raked that thing?

It came to my attention a couple weeks ago that this newsletter will no longer be welcome in North Korea because they have officially banned sarcasm in that country. In a related story, the East Mills School Board and the Malvern City Council will now hold all future meetings in North Korea….

From the “End of an Era” category:  Vin Scully, the 88-year old announcer for the Los Angeles Dodgers, is finally retiring after 67 years of calling Dodger baseball games. What I didn’t realize until recently is that he announced all of those games by himself – there was nobody else in the booth with him. That is unbelievable! I just hope that when I’m 88 I can find the remote control, figure out how to work the remote control, and then stay awake long enough to actually witness the 7th inning stretch of any baseball game.

Well, it’s been a week since the first presidential debate and I’m pretty proud of myself – I made it through 42 minutes before giving up and watching re-runs of Friends. Let’s be honest – debates are only beneficial for people who don’t know who they’re voting for, and I made up my mind a long time ago. But during the debate my mind wan- dered over to the other side (where it resides much of the time) and I contemplated what some of the most famous presidential quotes in history would have sounded like if they had been uttered by Donald Trump. Here is a sampling:

Ronald Reagan – Mr. Gorbachev, tear down that wall!

Donald Trump – Mr. Gorbachev, tear down that wall….and if you wouldn’t mind save me some of the pieces so I can build my own…

Abraham Lincoln – You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.

Donald Trump – You can escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading taxes today.

Abraham Lincoln – If I had 8 hours to chop down a tree, I’d spend six hours sharpening my ax.

Donald Trump – If I had 8 hours to chop down a tree, I’d go golfing.

Thomas Jefferson – I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, or in philosophy as a cause to withdraw from a friend.

Donald Trump – Yeah, what he said….

Until next time….  Jay