Jay's Interest: January 2018

First and foremost, welcome to 2018!! I can’t believe how fast 2017 went by and I’m guessing 2018 won’t be much different. For years I’ve been told (by people older than me at the time) to hold on tight because time really starts to fly by the older you get. And I can honestly say that every single one of those individuals were 100% correct, because it seems like all I do is eat, sleep, and write this newsletter. And with two young kids at home, I’m sure it’s just going to get worse!

As some of you are aware, I am what people call a Jaysker… Creighton Bluejay basketball fan and a Nebraska Cornhusker football fan (yes, you can be both). And I must say that this is a very good time to be a fan of both teams, as Creighton is once again playing a frenetically smart style of basketball that is incredible to watch, and Nebraska has FINALLY hired a football coach who was actually wanted by someone other than Nebraska. Scott Frost has already lit the fire of Husker fans everywhere and I think it’s just a matter of time before he’ll have order restored in Lincoln. My greatest hope is that he will once again make walk-ons the cornerstone of the entire football program and get back to recruiting the small-town kids who have grown up with one goal in mind – playing for the Cornhuskers. I know there are a lot of Hawkeye fans reading this, and I’m hoping that all of you realize this is a good thing for you also, because the Nebraska/Iowa rivalry isn’t very much fun when things are as one-sided as they are right now. It’s going to take some time, but let’s hope that by 2020 Husker fans actually have something to trash talk about!

I read recently that there is a company that will remove tattoos from deceased individuals (skin included) and will then frame the removed tattoos so they can be displayed as artwork. Now for those of you who aren’t from Malvern and don’t know me very well, I am what most people in the tattoo business refer to as a sissy, therefore you will not find a tattoo anywhere on my body. But even if I did sport one (I always wanted to have a tattoo of a chain link fence around my bicep just to see the reaction of guys with a barbed wire fence tattoo around their arms), I seriously don’t see my wife and kids wanting me displayed above the fireplace for the rest of their lives. Oh, they’d spend $1000 to taxidermy the dog, but $100 for a swatch of my scaly skin on the wall?? Yeah, not going to happen. Don’t get me started.
I watched a really cool documentary recently on a gentleman named Terry Kath – he was one of the original members of the band Chicago. As I was watching the show, I realized that my love of music was really cultivated in junior high when I started playing my trombone during halftime of high school basketball games. Little did I know at the time, but several songs that we played were originally recorded by Chicago, such as 25 or 6 to 4, Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is, and Make Me Smile. I don’t know where the term “Band Geek” came from, but I wore that moniker proudly and I’m hoping my kids follow the same path. And if anyone can ever explain to me what the song “25 or 6 to 4” means, please let me know.

Public Service Announcement of the Month: Many of you probably received a questionnaire recently regarding the proposed water treatment facility in Malvern. The purpose of the questionnaire is to ensure that Malvern’s median household income percentages are correct, as this information can make a huge difference in the interest rate that the city has to pay on the project, which could literally save upwards of $20,000/year on a 40-year USDA loan. So if you haven’t done so, please fill out the questionnaire and return it as soon as possible. If you’ve lost it, contact city hall at 624-8282 and they will make sure you receive a new survey.

I was talking with a buddy last week and we were talking about our favorite comedians and one of my all-time favorites is Steven Wright. For some reason I thought he had died but apparently he is alive and well. So in honor of this comic genius, please enjoy the following samples of his work (if you’ve never heard him, the delivery is completely monotone with no expression whatsoever):

• I drove by a gas station with two signs in the window, “help wanted” and “self-service”. So I went in and hired myself.
• A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
• I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time”. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
• I intend to live forever. So far so good.
• There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
• What’s another word for Thesaurus??
• The other day I went to a general store. They wouldn’t sell me anything specifically.

And finally, I would like to take this opportunity to personally thank all of you for making the Malvern Bank a part of your lives. In this techno-crazy world you can literally bank anywhere and we never take our customers for granted because there are LOTS of other options out there. I would also like to thank you for never being afraid to call me, email me, or stop me on the street to voice your opinion of this monthly drivel I call a newsletter. I always enjoy writing it and while I know my personal thoughts and sense of humor don’t always align with my readers, it sure does make for some fun conversations at the Classic Café….or the bakery….or the grocery store….or my front porch….or occasionally the golf section at Dick’s Sporting Goods (yep, happened once). So as long as you promise to keep opening your bank statements (which is the whole reason I started this newsletter in the first place), I promise I’ll keep trying to come up with something that you will find interesting, thought provoking, funny, silly, or just plain irritating :)

Until Next Time…..

Jay