Welcome to fall everyone! This is by far my favorite time of the year…highs in the 70’s,
lows in the 40’s, footballs flying, combines everywhere you look, leaves changing colors,
pumpkin spice-flavored everything lining store shelves (haven’t tried the Twinkies yet).
There is just nothing like October in these parts, so hopefully everyone has the opportunity to
get outside and take a deep breath and realize how lucky we are to live in such a beautiful
place.
Speaking of combining…has anyone ever looked at volunteer corn and thought to themselves
“you know, I should really be doing more”. Just me??
You know, I always admit when I’m wrong (insert laughing from my wife), and if you
remember, last month I wasn’t overly optimistic about Iowa State’s future in the Big 12
because I didn’t have a lot of faith in the Big 12 commissioner to figure it all out. But holy
cow, adding Brigham Young, Central Florida, Houston and Cincinnati to the conference is an
absolute home run in my opinion. Yes, Oklahoma leaving will hurt, but nobody is going to
miss Texas. So, job well done commissioner Bowlsby…and if you ever decide to add another
team, may I suggest a certain university located in the center of the country with a rabid fan
base yearning for relevance…and a punter.
Quick banking item: I have received A TON of texts and emails lately about an IRS proposal
that would require banks to report all business and consumer transactions on accounts with
balances exceeding $600. So let me just cut to the chase…you can all relax because this will
never happen. There is no way banks - especially small ones like us – could possibly pull this
off. And can you imagine how many consumers would simply exit the banking system?? It
would be a disaster and again, there is no way it’s going to happen. Trust me on this one…
Quick health alert: DiGiorno is recalling 27,000 pounds of pepperoni pizzas due to a labeling
issue that has resulted in the pepperoni boxes actually containing 3-meat pizzas instead (the
beef and sausage contains soy protein – bad for people with soy allergies). So, for anyone
reading this who thinks they might have a mislabeled pizza box, you can either return the box
to the grocery store where it was purchased for a full refund, or you can simply drop it off at
601 Marion Avenue in Malvern. As always, you’re welcome.
So, I put my milk in the bowl first and then my cereal. I don’t really have a joke for this…it’s
more of a confession…
I’ve been sitting on this next joke for 3 months because I didn’t think anyone (my wife) would
get it, but I need to fill space so here goes nothing: Did you read about the lobster fisherman in
New England who was eaten by a whale, only to be spit out and rescued by onlookers?? While
this situation couldn’t have ended any better, I have to assume that if the whale hadn’t
regurgitated the man, paramedics were prepared to go in with the ‘Baleens of Life’….
No?? Yeah, I had to take a shot…
I apologize in advance, but I have somehow stumbled upon a community that specializes in
‘dad jokes’ (very simplistic jokes/puns that most people don’t find very funny) and for the past
month I have been receiving at least one of these jokes every day. So, what better way to fill
some space, right?? Here are my top-3 for the month:
1)My wife said that I need to see a doctor because I can’t stop telling airport jokes.
Sure enough, the doctor said it’s terminal.
2)I hate my job because all I do is crush pop cans all day long…it’s soda pressing.
3)My son kept chewing on electrical cables so I finally had to ground him.
Has anyone ever wanted to purchase a used Schwann’s delivery truck and go around to
people’s houses and take orders, only to have to inform everyone that you’re out of everything,
but then you make the customer’s day by giving them a $5 off coupon on your next visit?? I’m
asking for a friend…
Any finally, did you see that someone recently paid $2,700 for a pair of Michael Jordon’s used
underwear that, according to the auction advertisement, showed ‘definite signs of use’?? Well,
you can all rest assured that my wife wasn’t the buyer, because just last week I watched her
take a pair of my clean underwear out of the dryer and by the way she was holding them you
would have thought they were radioactive.
Until Next Time…good luck to all of our farmers and their families as the harvest continues,
and don’t forget that October 5th is ‘National Get Funky Day’. Don’t forget to get down!!
Jay