Greetings earthlings!! Ok, sorry for the alien-like introduction, but for some reason an old episode of ‘Mork and Mindy’ popped onto my YouTube main page today and I’ve been uttering that stupid phrase all day. I do that a lot now…I’ll hear something – a phrase, a song, etc. – and it will be stuck in my head for hours…sometimes days. Which, as you might imagine, is not a good way to get to bed at night. SO…I recently downloaded the ‘Calm’ App on my phone. I’m sure you’ve seen the ads…about green noise and blue noise and all that crazy stuff. Well, I’m desperate for a good night’s sleep so I’m giving it a shot. I’ll update you in future newsletters and let you know if it’s worth roughly $6/month.

While we’re on the topic of sleep…I ran across this headline a couple weeks ago: ‘Taking Naps Can Change Your Brain Size’. Now, let me start off by saying this – I’ve been taking more naps lately. It’s kind of becoming a problem to be honest. I’ll go home at 5:30 p.m. and turn on the news and before I know it, it’s 6:30 p.m. and I still haven’t seen the news. And then of course I’ll be wide awake when it's actually time to hit the sack. But back to the headline about brain size…I’m not going to lie – I didn’t read the article because it was going to say one of two things: taking naps is good for you or taking naps is bad for you. I’ve decided that I’m going to live out the rest of my life with the thought that napping is good for you, because there is no better feeling in the world than dozing off and I’ve just decided that I’m going to take my chances. So, just know that if you’re at my funeral some day and the pastor says that I died from having a tiny brain, it was probably the naps that did it and it was totally worth it.

I recently read that McDonald’s is changing their buns to make them ‘softer and more pillowy’. Somewhere I have to assume that the former CEO of Bed, Bath and Beyond is kicking himself for not coming up with that idea himself…

As you all know, I like a good commercial, and I can always rely on Geico to come through in the clutch. One of my favorite Geico ads right now involves ‘observant neighbors’ who comment on everything that a couple does in their daily lives. My favorite line is where the nosy neighbors say “some couples clean as they cook, but not this couple”. The reason that this particular line cracks me up is because I clean as I cook! Just this morning I made pancakes and I had everything in the sink cleaned and dried before I flipped the first pancake. Yes, this is probably a sign that I’m OCD, but I just don’t understand how people can let things sit in their sink, especially pancake batter! Once that stuff dries you’ve just added a significant amount of time to doing the dishes. Please tell me I’m not the only one who does this!!

Last month a woman in Michigan fell into a porta-potty while trying to retrieve her Apple Watch. Even worse, it didn’t give her credit for the extra step.

Since I’m not doing a newsletter next month, I thought some of you might be interested to know that next month is the 50-year anniversary of my grandma’s kidnapping. For those of you who don’t know the story, back in 1973 my grandma Dixie was taken from her home and held for $50,000 ransom. I was in 3rd grade at the time and I specifically remember that the kidnapping happened on the day of our Chantry elementary Christmas program because there was some debate as to whether I was going to be allowed to take part in the program because they hadn’t yet caught the kidnappers. Luckily, grandma was found safe and sound in the trunk of a car over on a levy by Pacific Junction and while the kidnappers never were captured, they also abandoned the plan before my dad was even able to drop off the ransom money. We have a framed Malvern Leader article from the whole ordeal and I’ll try to remind Katelin to take a picture of it and post it on the bank’s Facebook page.

And one more thing related to the kidnapping: There was a rumor floating around years ago that I had written a song about the whole ordeal to the tune of “Grandma Got Run Over by A Reindeer” and I would like to go on the record to categorically deny that any such song exists. Oh, I wrote it…I just can’t find it

And finally, NASA recently announced that Saturn’s rings will vanish in the year 2025. “You might want to check the UCLA locker room”, said Colorado head coach Deion Sanders. Until Next Time…Since November 19th is World Toilet Day, I’d like to leave you with these words of wisdom: Take your phone out of your back pocket BEFORE entering a bathroom. Trust me on this one…

Jay