Greetings and Happy November everyone. Hard to believe, but we’re only two months away
from 2022, and for us Husker fans, it can’t get here soon enough. It seems like just yesterday
when the season was just getting started and optimism ran rampant, whether we were cheering
for the Hawkeyes or the Cyclones or the Huskers. And today?? Well, let’s just say that
everyone is limping to the finish line. At least the Cyclones and Hawkeyes are bowl-bound
we Husker fans are once again staring down the barrel of a 3 or 4-win season and more
questions than answers. And no, they don’t need to get rid of Scott Frost. He’s still the right
man for the job.
I read a headline recently titled ‘Washington D.C. Popeyes shut down after a TikTok video
appeared to show its kitchen infested with rats’. Now first and foremost, oh my gosh, the
potential punchlines for this are endless. The first one that came to mind involved our good
friend Rudy Guliani, but being that I have taken an oath to not denigrate our politicians any
longer (I can’t decide if he qualifies under my self-imposed political gag order…I mean he’s not
technically a politician…let me know your thoughts), I thought I would instead pass on a
somewhat related story that happened at the bank recently, which made me think of another
somewhat related story that happened to me several months ago. The bank story happened this
summer and involved a mouse that had somehow made its way past security and was running
loose throughout the bank. Now, as we all know, there are two kinds of people in the world –
those who grew up on the farm on those who didn’t grow up on the farm. If you ever want to
know who’s who, just let a mouse loose and you’ll know immediately. I had farm-girls trying
to bare hand the little rodent and I was on my knees with a bucket. And apparently this style of
entrapment has become my go-to method, because the other somewhat related story that
happened several months ago involved me trying to get a bird out of my mother-in-law’s house
and during that debacle, I thought a 20-gallon tote would somehow do the trick. Yes, the
thought entered my brain that perhaps a wild bird would just fly into a tote and sit there until I
could walk outside. So, I think to properly summarize all of this into one nice little lesson for all
of you: If you keep a list of people to call to rid your home of anything with teeth, a tail, or a
beak; I highly suggest you take my name off that list because the last person you want handling
that situation is a banker whose only hunting experience involves old Elmer Fudd cartoons.
Trust me on this one…
Did you hear about the 101-year-old North Carolina woman who was recently given a
19-year-old cat as a gift?? Unfortunately, things became a little awkward when, after the feline
was presented to the woman, she responded “I said a gold hat”.
I see that Kellogg’s is facing a $5 million lawsuit for not having enough strawberries in its Pop
Tarts. Quick poll: How many of you eat Pop Tarts for the nutritional value of the fruit??
Anybody?? Of course not…we eat them because the crust is DEE-LICIOUS!! Good gracious,
the word ‘fruit’ isn’t even in the name. I mean if you’re going to sue anybody, sue Fruity
Pebbles. I’m guessing there isn’t a ton of fruit in those things, and if you forget to rinse your
bowl after eating them, the leftover pieces form such a bond to edge of the bowl that it requires
a chisel to get them off. Can you imagine what they’re doing to the inside of your stomach??
Granted, it won’t stop me from eating them, but can you imagine??
It was recently reported that Waymo, a company that utilizes driverless taxi cabs, is having
some issues with its taxis not being able to, among other things, navigate left turns. Ironically,
in a recent survey of my fellow competitors on the racing circuit, that same issue was most
frequently mentioned when assessing my driving skills.
And finally, since we started this month’s newsletter talking about our favorite football teams,
let’s end it with a joke that pertains to all 3 teams (feel free to move the names around to fit
your rooting interest): A Husker, a Cyclone, and a Hawkeye were getting ready for the electric
chair. The warden called each one of them up individually to make a last statement, starting
with the Husker. So the Husker walked up, professed his innocence, sat down in the chair and
when they pulled the lever, nothing happened. Same thing with the Cyclone…he walked up,
professed his innocence, sat down in the chair and again, nothing happened. The warden was
dumbfounded but sensing some sort of divine intervention, he let the Husker and Cyclone go
free. Next up was the Hawkeye and like the two before him, the warden asked the Hawkeye if
he would like to make a final statement. The Hawkeye, without hesitating, said “well for
starters, your chair is unplugged”.
Until Next time, don’t forget that today (November 1st) is National Fried Clams Day (anybody
else remember going to Howards Johnsons back in the day for all-you-can-eat clams??).
Also, don’t forget to set your clock back an hour on November 7th, but most importantly don’t
forget to remember our beloved veterans on November 11th!!