Jay to the World May 2020
Before I start, please know that I’m on Day 5 of no chocolate and no Mountain Dew and, well let’s just say, I’m a little on edge. I’m sure there’s a patch for things like this, but for now, if you happen to own stock in the companies that make Salted Nut Rolls and Sprite, you’re in good shape.
I hope everybody is hanging in there out in JTTW-land. It’s been a crazy four weeks since we last connected and I’m not really sure where we stand right now. Some states are re-opening, some states are still locked down, we’re still social distancing (I was antisocial to begin with, so not a big adjustment for me), and we continue to get a lot of mixed messages from Washington. And what’s crazy is that I have no idea if things are better or worse than they were two weeks ago. One minute I’m hearing that cases are spiking in certain areas but slowing in other places, and then the next minute I see our Vice President in a hospital not wearing a mask. I honestly don’t know what to think at this point.
I recently read a terrific piece by Tom Shatel of the Omaha World Herald that talked about his senior daughter and all of the once-in-a-lifetime memories that she and her graduating classmates were going to miss this year. With that in mind, I encourage everyone to take part in a senior parade this Saturday, May 2nd to honor the 2020 East Mills graduating class. All of the seniors will be cruising Main Street in Emerson, Hastings, and Malvern, with things starting around 4:15 p.m. in Emerson and around 6:30 p.m. in Malvern. It will be fun night and a great way to say thank you to a great group of seniors.
A quick bank update: We are still monitoring things and have not made a decision as to when we might re-open our lobby, so keep checking our website and social media pages for updates. We are so thankful to all of you for your patience and please know that we’re still here on a daily basis to help you in any way we can.
Time to brag a little: Over the past several weeks, my incredible staff submitted over 100 Paycheck Protection loans that totaled over $9.5 million and covered more than 1,200 employees. I don’t brag a lot, but I know there were lots of nights and weekends involved in making that happen, and I doubt if many other banks went above and beyond like that. I’m a lucky guy.
Anybody watching “The Last Dance” on ESPN?? For those of you who aren’t watching, it’s a 10-part series that chronicles the final season of the Chicago Bulls dynasty and everything that led up to it. By the time you read this, episodes 5 and 6 will have already aired, but I’m still on episode 3 so don’t tell me what happens. But after watching 2 ½ hours, I have learned this: Chicago Bulls basketball and Nebraska football are basically the same thing: Both won multiple championships, both had built winning cultures, and both made really bad coaching changes that, decades later, still linger today. Thanks again, Steve Pederson. Mediocrity never looked so good.
I recently read that the FDA is coming out with a new food dating system. Thank goodness…every time I open my fridge it seems that the chicken fingers have inched a little closer to the leg of lamb.
Here is your Steven Wright quote of the month: When I woke up this morning my wife asked me if I slept good…to which I responded, ‘no, I made a few mistakes’.
A robber in Washington was recently surprised when, after robbing a convenience store, he returned to the
parking lot only to find that his car had been stolen. I can only assume that this is what ‘paying it forward’ looks like in the criminal world.
The reduce the poverty level in the country, an Indonesia minister has suggested that rich people should marry poor people. Said Robin Hood, “Man, why didn’t I think of that…”.
Here’s one I read recently: A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Joey Chestnut, the hot dog eating champion who once devoured 74 hot dogs in 10 minutes, recently proved his versatility by inhaling 32 Big Macs in just over 38 minutes. Can you imagine eating what pretty much amounts to one Big Mac per minute?? Think about that…it takes me roughly 38 minutes to get from Malvern to a Creighton basketball game, so if he was riding with me, he would knock down 32 Big Macs on just the drive up. Granted, I have to assume I’d be sitting by myself for most of the game if you know what I’m saying, but it’s still pretty cool.
Am I the only person who thinks that Dr. Anthony Fauci’s voice should take the place of Siri?? “Hey Dr. Fauci, what’s the square root of seven??” He could tell me anything and I’d believe it.
This Month in Punctuation, Part 1: Microsoft Word recently said that it is incorrect to put two spaces after a period. ‘Would have loved to have this information a little sooner’ said the spokesperson for trees.
This Month in Punctuation, Part 2: A man who has spent 20 years of his life trying to educate people on the proper location of an apostrophe has finally given up, saying that “ignorance and laziness has won out”. To which Steve King replied “No wonder I keep getting re-elected”.
After a Hong Kong zoo shut its doors during the COVID-19 lockdown, two pandas that had been together for over 13 years finally mated for the first time. Pandas mating during a pandemic?? Great…would someone please notify me before our next catastrophe so I can get Mrs. Bigglesworth locked inside the house.
And finally, an Astrophysicist who hoped to create a device to help stop people from catching Covid-19 re-cently ended up in the hospital after getting magnets stuck in his nose. Now I know that this was probably a very painful situation for this gentleman, but being the glass half-full guy that I am, I’m just thankful he wasn’t trying to cure hemorrhoids.
Until Next Time…to all of our mom’s out there - have a terrific Mother’s Day! And to all of you…please keep a safe distance from others, wash your hands, and by all means don’t even think about putting a disinfectant into your body.