Jay to the World March 2021
Greetings everyone! I’m sitting at my desk…it’s 7:33 p.m. on February 28th and I just checked my Weather Channel App and the high temperatures this week are going to be 70 degrees warmer than the high temperature from just a couple weeks ago. I definitely have a spring in my fingers tonight. I also noticed that the weather channel now gets pretty specific on rain chances. On March 9th we have a 24 percent chance of rain. Not 25 percent…not 20 percent…TWENTY FOUR percent. It reminds me of when my father would indicate his time of arrival down to the minute…he’d say things like “I should be there by 10:27”…and then he’d show up at 10:27. Everybody reading this who knew my father knows exactly what I’m talking about. But anyway, I hope everyone made it through our little Polar Vortex last month and I’m guessing you are as excited to see March get here as I am.
A couple quick banking items: It appears that several of our online statement customers did not receive their January bank statements. I’m not really sure what the problem was (is), but if you didn’t receive your January statement, call us at 712-624-8686 and we’ll get a replacement sent out. Also, I think we are going to re-open our lobby for Saturday traffic starting in May. I will let you know for sure in next month’s JTTW but I just wanted to plant that seed now.
I think we should get things rolling this month with your first-ever JTTW “Hallmark Moment of the Month”, courtesy of my son: “Mom, my conscience tells me that I should love Emersyn, but my heart tells me that I can’t stand her”.
It’s been a while since we’ve done a multiple choice, so here you go: A rare yellow lobster was recently caught off the coast of Maine. The lobster’s yellow coloring was caused by 1) A genetic mutation in the proteins that bond with shell pigments 2) Changes in the ocean’s salt composition due to climate change, or 3) A monthly meeting of the local “Surfer Dudes with Diapers” bladder control support group.
And now your Onion headline of the month: “Last Pickle Delighted to Finally Have Whole Jar to Self”
An Idaho woman recently gave birth to twins in the parking lot of a local potato plant. “Man, can you imagine going through life always being associated with potatoes??” said former NBA player Spud Webb.
This Month in Rappers, Part I: I read the other day that Rapper Lil Uzi Vert has a $24 million diamond embedded in his forehead. Now as you know, from time to time I like to use this pulpit as an advice column, but usually just for my highly flawed male counter-parts. But this month I’d like to talk directly to my teenage readers (all 4 of you) with this little nugget of wisdom: When it comes time to convince your parents that you really do need your nose pierced, make sure that at some point in the conversation you utter the phrase “it’s not like I’m embedding a diamond in the middle of my forehead”. You should be good to go. As always, you’re welcome.
This Month in Rappers, Part II: As you probably know by now, I love a good commer-cial. One of my current favorites is the Geico ad featuring rappers Tag Team singing their 1990’s hit ‘Whoomp! (There It Is)’, only this time it’s about ice cream and they are singing ‘Scoop! (There It Is)’. Well, naturally I started thinking about other companies that could use this song to advertise their products and this is what I’ve got so far:
Campbell’s…Soup! (There It Is);
Mucinex…Croup! (There It Is);
Botox…Droop! (There It Is);
Have you heard about the bed that automatically elevates your head if you start snoring?? “Wouldn’t a one way ticket to the couch have been a more cost effective approach??” said every wife reading this paragraph.
A woman who always struggled with knowing the difference between her right and left recently had the letters ‘R’ and ‘L’ tattooed on her hands. I know this sounds kind of silly, but being the glass half-full kind of guy that I am, I’m just glad that she wasn’t struggling with up and down.
And finally, I read recently that a man accidentally swallowed his ear buds while sleeping. In an ironic twist, the song “Push It” by Salt-N-Pepa was playing when they came out….
Until Next time…Don’t forget that the first Friday of March is “National Day of Unplug-ging”, where we are all supposed to put down our phones, turn off our computers, and live life like we used to before technology took over our lives.