Hello everyone!! Welcome to the new and improved JTTW!! Well, technically the newsletter hasn’t changed, but what do you think of the new bank statements?? Yes, after decades of manually printing your monthly bank statements in-house… and then sitting at our desks and stuffing them into envelopes…and then manually running them through the postage machine…and then manually carrying them to the post office…I finally caved and gave my blessing to put an end to this one last bastion of small-town banking that, in addition to our lone remaining typewriter, was my last real connection from the bank as you know it today to the bank that my grandpa purchased in the 1940’s. But, as Bob Dylan once sang, the times they are a-changing and that sentiment could not be more accurate as it pertains to the world of banking today. SO…long story short…I hope you enjoy the updated look of the statements and I really hope that this newsletter found its way to your inbox or your mailbox because I was warned that this rollout might be a little bumpy. Which reminds me…if you are still getting a printed version of your bank statement and you would like to get an e-statement, just log onto our online banking at www.malvern.bank and follow the prompts. Or you can just do what I do…claim ignorance and ask somebody here at the bank to do it for you.
Did You Know…Part One: We have installed (4) Tesla charging stations in the bank parking lot, as well as (2) non-Tesla charging stations. All six are available to the public and while I don’t pretend to fully understand the world of electric automobiles, I am extremely proud of Adam Konfrst and Cody Sorenson for taking the ball and running with it on this project. If any of you would like more information on the charging stations, feel free to call the bank and ask for either Adam or Cody.
Did You Know…Part Two: According to the American Medical Association, pickleball injuries will cost Americans over $400 million this year. According to the research, $300 million of this amount will be attributed directly to neck, shoulder, and knee injuries. The other $100 million will be for Uber rides home, frozen dinners, divorce attorneys, and shattered rackets.
Quick personality test: When you hear the words ‘yuck, yuck, yuck’, do you immediately think of something gross or do you think of someone laughing??
By the way, it’s been brought to my attention that sometimes when I wave at someone while I’m driving it appears that I’m making an “L” shape with my thumb and index finger, which as many of you know, especially those of you with children, that is the universal ‘loser’ sign. So don’t take it personally if you see me and I only lift two fingers…the other three just seem really heavy right now….
If you remember, over the past several months I’ve been in certain situations where my age is starting to rear its ugly head. I had another such occurrence happen a couple months ago in, of all places, C&M’s. So, I walk in the door (by the way, C&M’s is now owned by Malvern lifers Mike and Janella May…it’s awesome) and I hear somebody say ‘nice legs!’. So, I turn and it’s my buddy Dave and we both laugh but I’m afraid to look down because my very first thought was ‘oh my god, did I remember to put on shorts??’. My heart was literally pounding because I honestly had no idea if I remembered to get fully dressed or not. The reason that I’m sharing this story with you is simple…if you see me in public and you notice anything out of place – or not in place at all – it is your civic duty to say something before I run into too many people…
How about a little multiple choice this month?? Here you go: Researchers at Northeastern University recently taught a group of parrots how to call other parrots via Zoom and FaceTime. After 3 months of collecting data, the researchers concluded that A) Birds are capable of communicating like humans; B) Birds can express feelings of sadness and disappointment when other birds don’t answer their calls, or 3) Even birds ignore calls from their mothers….
Recently a landlord in Duluth, Minnesota set his apartment building on fire while he blared Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire” on his stereo. And just as you would expect, it didn’t take long for copycats to follow suit. Just last week, a guy broke into a nutrition store in Omaha and stole a bunch of diet pills while playing “I like big butts and I cannot lie” …
And finally, July 10-16 is Nude Recreation Week. Coincidentally, that is also Shark Week. I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a really bad combination. The only way it could be even worse was if it was also National Viagra Week.
Until Next Time…