Jay to the World July 2021
Well, as has been my pattern over the past several months, it’s 9:45 p.m. on June 30th (I’m
sure Tricia and Kenzie are getting tired of my tardiness when it comes to getting this thing
done) and I just finished watching Mississippi State beat Vanderbilt to win the CWS. While
deep down I didn’t really care who won, I’m glad the Bulldogs prevailed because if Vandy had
won, I think the victory would have been significantly tainted due to the fact that one of their
victories was by forfeit. So I’m happy that MSU won, and best of all this was the first national
championship in Mississippi State history in any sport, which makes it even cooler.
So quick survey: How many of my Mills County readers have been driving home from Omaha
recently and inadvertently ended up at the Madison Avenue exit in Council Bluffs?? I ask this
question because apparently the new lane openings through the Manawa area are causing some
confusion to certain drivers (my wife), and these certain drivers (my wife) are ending up in the
wrong lanes and finding themselves headed towards Des Moines. This has happened to her at
least three times because apparently the big green ‘Kansas City’ sign isn’t doing its job. So,
feel free to reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let me know if this is a very isolated
situation or if indeed the roads are poorly marked and I need to apologize for my sarcastic
response to her when she first told me about it.
It sure does seem like a lot of JTTW content lately has surrounded the fact that we’re all
getting older, and that trend is continuing because I recently found out that Tawny Kataen, who
all of my hair band fans will remember as the woman doing calisthenics on the hood of a car in
Whitesnake’s famous ‘Here I Go Again’ video, died a couple months ago. I’m not feeling old
because she was only 59 and I’ll be 57 this year. No, I’m feeling old because when that video
first came out, I was 25-years-old and the first thing that came to my mind was ‘man, I’d like to meet
a girl like that’. But now when I see that video, all I can think is ‘I wonder if insurance will
cover those scratches’. Yeah, getting old is a blast.
As you know, from time to time I like to come up with business or advertising ideas and then
do absolutely nothing to make them come to life. It’s kind of like Shark Tank but with no
sharks…and no tank. Anyway, here’s another freebie for somebody out there: I recently read
that Colorado has passed a bill that legalizes the composting of human remains. Couple that
with the fact that marijuana is legal in Colorado and I’m thinking that someone needs to open a
funeral home that will allow families to take their loved one’s remains and grow marijuana in
them. And then name the business “High and Goodbye”. As always, you’re welcome.
This Month in Nakedness, Part 1: A Nebraska man recently set a new world record by
completing 60 naked skydiving jumps in 24 hours while dressed in nothing but his safety
equipment. I have to admit, that’s pretty cool. If I did something like that there would not be
an umbrella big enough to protect those on the ground…
This Month in Nakedness, Part 2: Two men sunbathing naked in Sydney, Australia were recently
arrested for violating COVID lock down protocols after they were seen running from a deer.
Now while I’m not 100 percent sure on this, I have to assume this is where the phrase ‘buck
naked’ comes from….
I was listening to Casey Kasem a few weeks ago and heard the Paul Simon classic “50 Ways to
Leave Your Lover” and thought to myself ‘I wonder what that song would sound like if it was
written in 2021’. As a refresher, here were a few ways to leave your lover back in 1975:
Just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
And now here is how that song might sound if it was written in 2021:
Just send out a Tweet, Pete
Or maybe a text, Rex
It’s Ok to unfriend, Ben
Just get yourself free
And finally, a recent survey indicates that families who play Monopoly together fight more. In a
similar study, researchers found that families who play Twister together tend to fill each other’s
Christmas stockings with deodorant and scented underwear.
Until Next Time…I’m going on a little hiatus so there won’t be an August JTTW for you to ignore
and throw in the trash. But I promise I’ll come back in September refreshed and ready to tackle
the problems of the day. Have a great rest of your summer and I’ll talk to everyone soon!!