First and foremost, welcome to 2023 everybody!! Yes, I know this was supposed to be my month off, but Katelin has been so busy with end-of-the-year stuff that I happily volunteered to cover for her. Plus, I wanted to be able to brag just a little bit…I’m writing this on Friday, December 30th and today is my daughter’s first official day of working at the bank, making her the 4th generation of our family to work here. Now granted, she’s working at the drivethru window and I have no idea if that will ever turn into anything permanent years down the road, but it’s still a proud moment for yours truly. As the 3rd generation of Burdics to work here, I’ve always been extremely proud of the fact that Malvern Bank has been able to remain privately-owned for so long when many other banks have been sold or have merged with bigger banks. And what is the secret to our longevity you may be asking yourself?? Well, it’s you silly. We have the most loyal customer base of any bank in the region. Sure, we don’t have any branches or a fancy slogan (more on that in a moment), but we have the coolest customer base around. I know I say this every year, but on behalf of my entire staff, thank you so much for sticking with us, and thank you for not making me go out and get a real job.
I was driving through Omaha the other day and noticed a certain bank’s slogan on the side of one of their branches…The Great Big, Small Bank. Clever. Playing up the fact that they are a BIG bank but trying to act small when it comes to customer service. So, I got to thinking… we’re a SMALL bank and we already treat everyone in a small-town manner. So, for the past month or so, I’ve been finetuning some options for a new bank slogan that says we’re small and proud of it. Now remember, these are just rough drafts…I’m still honing in on the winner. Here you go:
1) Malvern Bank…We still have a typewriter!!
2) Malvern Bank…Anybody know what these buttons do??
3) Malvern Bank…Small enough to know your name, but Jay will still forget it…
4) Malvern Bank…It’s our people who count…no seriously, they can all count…
5) Malvern Bank…Bring your dog, get a treat!!
So, a couple months ago I stumbled across one of those ‘what would you do’ questions online…the basic premise was there is a blue door and a red door…if you go through the blue door you could right every wrong from your past, but if you go through the red door you would get $10 million. I’ll let you ponder for a couple minutes and then I’ll give you my answer towards the end…
Have any of you ever had one of those epiphany moments when you realize that you might just be losing your marbles?? Well, I had such a moment a few weeks ago and I feel I should share it with you, my loyal and not-getting-any-younger readers, in hopes that my experience will help each of you come to grips with the realization that it’s only going to get worse. This particular ‘incident’ happened at a Russell Speeders car wash in Omaha a few weeks ago. For those of you familiar with this particular car wash on Center Street, they have several very creepy robotic people throughout the car wash and at the end as you’re pulling out of the car wash the last creepy robot waves at you. And what did I do?? I waved back!! At a robot!! Now, in my defense, I spend every day of the week sitting in my corner office waving at people who are pulling into the bank’s drive-thru window so it is kind of a reflex action, but still, as I pulled out of that car wash that night, all I could think was man, I hope nobody saw that…
As you all know by now, I am constantly combing the earth for that one great marketing idea that is so brilliant, yet so simple, that future generations will think of me in the same way that they currently think of Elon Musk. Ok, bad example. But I think I finally have not one, BUT TWO, ideas that cannot fail. Just forget about every other dumb idea I’ve ever had. These two will cement my legacy. The first one?? My own line of pajamas with builtin diapers. They will be called Pee Jays. Get it?? But the second one is even better. You’ve heard of the moving company with real fire fighters called Firefighters on the Move?? Well buckle up, because my company will consist of out-of-work exotic dancers and will be called Movers and Shakers…Boom.
Boy, tough segue back to the red door/blue door question…but my answer is simple: I would right every wrong from my past…wouldn't even know where to start… A
nd finally, I read an article recently that said advanced genetic tracking is resulting in the breeding of meaner rodeo bulls. I’m guessing this is bad news for bull riders in general, but really bad news for Gonad the 3-testicled rodeo clown…
Until Next Time…After watching the football game last night, I think it’s only appropriate that we give another shout out to our first responders and firefighters, including our amazing local volunteers who keep us safe.
You’re the best. Jay