Jay to the World August 2022

Well, it’s Sunday night, July 31st…8:05 p.m…I’m on my third Crunch bar (not the big ones, just the ‘fun’ size…because they bring fun to your life. It says it right on the package). And I must say…it’s been 10 minutes and I’m still not having fun. Probably because I found out yesterday that I didn’t win the $1.34 billion (BILLION!!) Mega Millions jackpot last night. Now granted, I didn’t buy a ticket, but that shouldn’t really factor in to the fact that I’m really
disappointed that I didn’t win. Which brings me to a question…if you buy a lottery ticket and you don’t win, does that mean you lost?? Because I’ve never had anyone come up to me and say ‘yep, I lost the lottery last night’. People just say that they didn’t win, right?? But if you play a game and you don’t win, that means you lost, so technically everyone who bought a ticket for last night’s drawing and didn’t win theoretically woke up a loser today. Wow, I think the Crunch bars just kicked in…I’m having fun now…

Now before I forget, just a friendly reminder that the bank’s open house to celebrate our 130th anniversary will be this Thursday, August 4th from 4:30 to 6:30 at the bank. There will be food and beverages, as well as some free t-shirts to celebrate the occasion. It’s going to be hot and the last time I checked our air conditioning was still working, so swing on by!!

And now your first-ever JTTW ‘Blast from the Past’: While she was researching the bank’s history for our 130th anniversary, our marketing director Katelin George came across one of the early renditions of this newsletter from back in December, 2002. Now, for all of you who just know this newsletter as JTTW, you should probably know that back in 2002 it was known as The Statement…yep, the marketing team was in top form back then. No wonder nobody read it…customers probably thought they were getting another bank statement and chucked it into the trash with their actual bank statements. Anyway, in the December, 2002 issue I touted our new ‘Malvern 2020 Initiative’, which was to build 20 new houses in Malvern and to tear down or rehabilitate 20 existing houses by the year 2020. Now, to give full disclosure here, I completely forgot about this entire thing until Katelin ran across the newsletter. I was sort of like a politician back then…just throw out a bunch of ideas and maybe one of them will actually stick. So now I’m thinking to myself…did we accomplish the goal?? Well, all I will say is this…if the initiative was called Malvern 2022, then the answer would be yes. But by 2020?? I think I was off a couple years… 

As I’ve made clear for as long as anyone will listen, I hate the internet. But occasionally, OCCASIONALLY, I will come across something that just makes me laugh. Such was the case a few weeks ago when my YouTube app ‘suggested’ that I might like some Norm McDonald comedy. How YouTube knew that he is one of my all-time favorite comedians is beyond me, but sure enough I came across a joke that he told on Late Night with Conan O’Brien several years ago and I thought I would share it with you. Now remember, he’s telling the joke to Conan, and I’m trying to type it exactly like he said it, minus the classic Norm McDonald facial expressions. Yes, it’s stupid, but it made me laugh…here you go:

A frog goes into the bank to get a loan. The frog is greeted by a lady with a nametag that says Mrs. Whack…her first name was Patty. Patty asks the frog why he’s in the bank and the frog says that he needs a loan to purchase a lily pad. Patty then asked the frog its name and the frog replied ‘Kermit’, but the frog made sure that Patty knew he wasn’t THE Kermit the Frog…he was just named after Kermit the Frog. He then told Patty that his father was Mick Jagger, therefore his full name was Kermit Jagger. Patty then asked the frog if he had any collateral for a loan, so Kermit pulled out a shiny little plastic pink elephant. Looked like something you might purchase at the airport gift shop. Anyway, Mrs. Whack commented that the plastic pink elephant didn’t look to be worth much, but she told Kermit that she would at least go to the bank’s manager and present the loan request. So, Mrs. Whack went to the bank manager and explained the situation and asked the bank manager what she should do. The bank manager replied “Well, this is a Knick-Knack Patty Whack, but give the frog a loan. His old man is a Rolling Stone!!” Trust me, it was funnier with him telling it….

A man in England recently crashed his car into a building, ran from the scene, and was eventually attacked by an Emu when he wandered into an exotic animal farm. Now I know from time to time I throw out crazy marketing ideas for free, but if Liberty Mutual doesn’t turn this charade into a commercial, then somebody needs to lose their job….

And finally, Research from the University of Oxford reportedly found that chewing your food with your mouth open can make food taste better. In a similar study conducted by the National Elbow Institute, you can now put them on the table…

Until Next Time ... which in this case will be October ... take care!!

Jay