Hello everyone and welcome to April, 2022!! We did it…we made it through yet another
winter in the Midwest!! I’m actually typing this at 10:00 p.m. on March 29th and a nice little
thunderstorm just rolled through the area tonight and there is nothing…I mean nothing…that
puts me in a better mood than rain before planting season. It has been so dry around here and
our farmers need some good subsoil moisture before they get things rolling in a few weeks.
So, I’m in a really good mood tonight and ready to tackle the world’s problems head on…OK,
maybe not head on, but definitely in a grazing-type motion that doesn’t offend but yet makes
everyone sit back and really think about things. And we’ll throw in some jokes just for effect.
Let’s start with….
The Oscars. What was everyone’s take on the whole incident between Chris Rock and Will
Smith?? Honestly, I was a little torn. I think Chris Rock is hysterical and I’ve watched so
many celebrity roasts on Comedy Central that I’ve just assumed that celebrities know anything
is fair game in the world of jokes. Now, with that being said, I’ve always felt really
uncomfortable listening to anyone make fun of someone’s appearance, regardless of the
situation. I mean, have you ever heard a joke about someone who lost their hair due to cancer
treatments?? Of course not!! There is a line you don’t cross and unfortunately in this country
that line gets blurrier every year. Quick question for all of my over-30 readers out there. Any
idea what the number four song is on the Billboard charts this week?? It’s called
abcdefu….and I’ll let you use your imagination as to what that song is about. Like I said, the
lines of decency in this country continue to blur and I shudder to think where that line will be
in 20 years…if there’s even a line at all by that time.
Man, I think it’s time for a joke after that little intro… I recently read on KMA that a Gruyere
from Switzerland was recently named the 2022 World Champion Cheese. And in a stunning
upset, 2nd place honors went to a package of Kraft Singles.
Well, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that, after 31 years on the
air, the Maury Povich show is coming to an end. The good news, however, is that the final
episode will reveal once and for all if Darth Vader really was Luke’s father…
March 27th was National Waffle Day. I just really go back and forth on whether that should
be a holiday.
And now from the files of “It’s the thought that counts…cereal edition”: A few weeks ago my wife sent me a text with the picture of a heart-shaped Cheerio with the caption “I saved this Cheerio for you”. I thought that was a super sweet gesture, so I responded back with a heartshaped emoji and then pretty much forgot about it. After all, I’m a guy…that’s about as much effort as we’re going to put into that. So, fast forward a week…we’re sitting at the kitchen table and my wife looks down and there sits the heart-shaped Cheerio, apparently untouched from when she sent the original text 7 days earlier (feel free to judge the cleaning habits of the Burdic household…we deserve it). Anyway, my wife looks down, sees the Cheerio, and says “Awww, it’s still here. Can you believe I found a heart-shaped Cheerio??” So now this is the part of the story where I didn’t know what to do, because my wife really thought that she had possibly found the only heart-shaped Cheerio ever produced in the Cheerios factory, and to make matters worse, we’re having this conversation with the actual box of Cheerios sitting on the counter behind her that says right on the box “Limited Edition with Happy Heart Shapes”. Now two things crossed my mind throughout this entire episode: 1) How could my wife think that a circular Cheerio could somehow have a big dent in the top of it that makes it look like a heart but doesn’t break…and 2) This woman must not look down at her cereal when she’s eating it because at least half the box was comprised of heart-shaped morsels. So anyway, to bring this episode to a close, I finally came clean and informed her that unfortunately that single heartshaped Cheerio was part of a much larger family of heart-shaped Cheerios, and while she was a little deflated at the news, just know that I almost gave her a really big hug. What, I’m still a guy….
The Guinness Book of World Records has officially recognized a tea party held on Mt. Everest last year as the highest tea party ever held. “Challenge accepted”, said Snoop Dog. And finally, I recently read that Mike Tyson, in an effort to cash in on his infamous fight against Evander Holyfield back in 1997, has started a cannabis business where the cannabis is shaped like a human ear. I don’t know, call me crazy but I’m just glad it wasn’t Lorena Bobbitt’s idea…
Until Next Time…