Jay to the World April 2021
Hello everyone and welcome to April! I’m typing this on Monday, March 29th and I just found out that I’m getting my first COVID shot tomorrow at 11:15 a.m.!! I’ve never been excited about seeing a needle enter my body, but this time I’m pretty pumped because I actually feel like I’m making a difference. Granted, I’ll still mask up (I actually enjoyed not getting sick this past winter) but just knowing that I’m doing something to make the world a safer place is strangely gratifying. I know there are a lot of people on the fence about getting vaccinated, but like I’ve said in past newsletters, I’m going to assume that the scientists knew what they were doing and that they had my best interests at heart when they developed the vaccine. And if the conspiracy theories are true and they are secretly embedding a microchip in my body so they can track my every move (doesn’t my phone do that already??), I say bring it on because that sucker is going to come in really handy when I’m 80 years old and I’ve wandered off at the zoo again…
Speaking of getting vaccinated, did you see that Krispy Kreme is offering a free donut every day for the rest of the year if customers present proof that they’ve been vaccinated?? It’s part of their “Keep the COVID Out, Let the Cholesterol In” campaign.
One more COVID-related topic…am I the only person who still has to think twice when it comes to hearing that someone tested positive or someone tested negative?? I’m not kidding…I’ll hear that someone tested negative and my first reaction will be ‘shoot, that’s not good’ before my brain kicks in and realizes that in the world of medicine, negative is actually a good thing. Am I the only person who thinks we should live in a world where the word positive is always good and the word negative is always bad??
NASA came out last week and announced that the earth is safe from being hit by a devastating asteroid for at least another 100 years. “You mean I have to keep doing this for another 100 years??”, said the person responsible for handing out free tickets to keep the Husker football sellout streak alive.
And from the ‘you didn’t really know that you needed this until somebody came up with it’ department…Miller Lite has introduced 3 limited edition candles that replicate the smells of a dive bar, a beer garden, and a game day bar. Not to be outdone, Budweiser is introducing a line of candles that will replicate the smell of the street after a Clydesdale parade.
So, am I the only person whose very first thought when seeing that ship stuck was ‘needed more fiber.’ Just me??
So as you all know, I love clever commercials, but I’m a little freaked out by the Progressive Insurance commercials where the person is half-man and half-motorcycle. What is that all about?? Would anybody reading this want to have a human upper body but a Harley lower body?? I thought the Old Spice commercials with the half man/half-horse was bad enough, but at least the horse had legs. The Progressive guy has tires for legs. How many of you would still bank here if you had to tell people “oh yeah, we bank at the place where the president is half-man and half-motorcycle”. And how would you play a joke on me… ‘Oh Jay, we’re just yanking your chain’ and I’m like ‘Hey, keep your hands off my chain!!’ Yeah, I don’t get it.
And now your first-ever JTTW “Joke with an explanation (because there is no way my wife is going to get this)”: Did you see that after a 23-year break, Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield are in talks to fight once again?? Yep, it’s true, and even better, to commemorate the occasion, Miracle Ear is coming out with their very own line of flavored hearing aids. (You see honey, 23 years ago, Mike Tyson bit Evander Holyfield’s ear, so it would be plausible to think that Miracle Ear, knowing that Evander is now old and might need a hearing aid because of his damaged ear, would come out with a flavored hearing aid to make Evander’s ear a little more tasty in the event that Tyson takes another bite).
Speaking of biting…both of President Biden’s dogs were kicked out of the White House last month for what White House insiders are calling a ‘biting incident’. Said the former First Lady: “If I would have known it was that simple…”
In Lincoln, an injured man was recently driven to a local emergency room in the front bucket of a skid loader, at which time the driver of the skid loader was arrested for DUI. You know, it’s been a long time, but I’m pretty sure this scenario never played out during my Tonka Truck years.
And finally, did you see that a shoe store in England recently fired Peter Foot as their finance manager and replaced him with Terry Boot?? Yep, somewhere in London things are really starting to look up for little Joey Bunion.
Until Next Time…we’re hoping to re-open the bank lobby on Saturdays starting in May, so stay tuned…and the PPP period has been extended until the end of May, so if you have a Schedule C and would like to apply, give us a call!!