Jay to the World April 2020

Before we even get started, I hope that this month’s JTTW finds you healthy and safe and calm and financially secure. I know the events of the past month have had a tremendous impact on everyone’s emotional well-being, physical well-being, and financial well-being, and just know that everyone associated with Malvern Bank is here to help you in any way we can. This is obviously an unprecedented event in our lives and it’s moments like this that truly shine the light on small-town community banks like ours. You are family to us and we are going to get through this together, so don’t hesitate to call us about anything. If you need your loan payment deferred, call us. If you start getting phone calls from people trying to take advantage of this situation by tricking you into giving them your personal information, call us. If you are alone and just need to talk to someone, call us. The bottom line is this: I have an amazing group of people working for me and they are committed to doing whatever it takes to help minimize the impact of this pandemic on our customers.

I’ve had several people calling me about the bank, the stock market, interest rates and cash. First and foremost, your money is safe with us. There has never been one penny of insured deposits lost in this country and that is not going to change under any circumstance. Secondly, don’t panic about the stock market. As I write this, the market is back to where it was in 2017 and yes, it could drop further. But you have to have faith in the system and our financial system is fundamentally strong. I didn’t pull one penny from the market back in 2008 and I’m not going to do it now, either. Regarding interest rates…I have to admit that I didn’t see the Fed lowering rates to zero, but again, I trust the people making these decisions and they obviously felt the need to calm the waters. I know there are lots of people reading this who rely on interest income every month and these lower deposit rates are obviously going to affect you. Just know that there is no quick solution to any of this but I don’t think this is going to be like 2008. I think the market will bounce back quicker this time but it’s going to take patience. And finally, when it comes to having cash on hand, just remember that the safest place for your money is an FDIC-insured bank. There is plenty of cash in the world and the Fed is prepared to print more if necessary. The bottom line: I truly believe that once the pandemic is over and the economy starts to bounce back, this country will be better than ever. This will forever change our perspective on life…how we treat others, how we deal with adversity, and most importantly how we spend our free time. This is our chance to hit the reset button.

So, let’s lighten the mood a little, what do you say?? I’ve been working on my Steven Wright-style of quotes lately, so I thought we could start off with a couple originals by the legend himself and then I’ll give you my joke that I wrote for him just in case he happens to be reading this (hey, you never know). Here you go:

‘I woke up this morning and folded my bed back into a couch. I almost broke both my arms because it’s not that kind of bed’.

I’ve been getting into astrology so I installed a skylight. The people who live above me are furious’.

And now from yours truly (remember…slow and monotone): ‘I pulled up to a 4-way stop the other day and thought to myself “there’s three other ways to do this”??’ Ok, I’m still tweaking it…

‘Police in Florida, who have been looking for a cow since January, recently posted a message online saying that the cow, among other things, ‘likes pools’ and ‘is faster than he looks’. Ironically, these were also the top-2 most common characteristics used by my classmates when describing me in my senior yearbook.

I’ve spent a lot of my time over the past few weeks binge-listening to Casey Kasem’s Classic American Top-40 on iHeart radio and it gave me the idea that there needs to be a Top Ten list of songs that best describe our lives and thoughts and emotions over the past few weeks. If you think of more, don’t hesitate to email me (jburdic@malvern.bank). Here you go:

10) I Drink Alone (George Thorogood)
9) Home Sweet Home (Motley Crue)
8) All Revved Up With No Place to Go (Meat Loaf)
7) Too Much Time on my Hands (Styx)
6) Land of Confusion (Genesis)
5) It’s the End of the World as We Know It (R.E.M.)
4) Patience (Guns N Roses)
3) Should I Stay or Should I Go (Clash)
2) Don’t Stand So Close to Me (Police)
1) DON’T STOP BELIEVIN’!!!!!!!! (Journey)

To stay active during his self-quarantine, a man in Paris recently ran a full 26-mile marathon on his 23-foot long balcony. Even the guy’s hamster was like “enough already!!”

The first person to cross Antarctica alone claims that he had to use the same pair of underwear for 38 consecutive days. 38 straight days without changing underwear?? See honey, I told you I’m not the only one.

In light of the struggles facing animal shelters during the pandemic, Busch is offering 3-months of free beer to anyone who fosters or adopts a dog from Midwest Animal Rescue in Minnesota. So ladies, next time your hubby utters the words ‘boy, I could really go for a dog and a beer right about now’, don’t bother gassing up the grill….and make room in the fridge.

And finally, your baseball ‘Joke of the Month’ (as told by Pete Rose of all people): Two elderly men wondered if there is baseball in heaven, so they agreed that when one died the other would find a way to come back and let his buddy know the answer. So, after one of the men passed away, he appeared as an angel in the other guy’s bedroom and said, “I have good news and bad news. The good news is that, yes, there is baseball in heaven. The bad news is that you’re pitching on Thursday.” 

Until Next Time…hang in there everyone…wash your hands, keep your distance from others, don’t give out any personal information to anyone, and please keep ordering takeout from your favorite restaurants and grocery stores…they really need us right now! BE SAFE!!!

Jay