Jay to the World April 2019

I always struggle in times like this, when so many people are hurting and their lives have been turned upside down; because I’m not really sure when humor is appropriate. The last few weeks have resulted in some of the most gut-wrenching moments and some of the most incredibly uplifting moments in the history of our great county. I remember when Saturday Night Live came back on the air after 9/11 and nobody really knew when it was appropriate to start laughing again. So, while I’m going to take the approach that everyone needs to smile and laugh a little in times like this, I want every single person affected by the flood to know that you are in our thoughts and prayers and that I could not be prouder to be a lifelong resident of Mills County.

I know lots of you want to know how to help and our local 5210 chapter, along with the East Mills Student Council, are sponsoring a toy drive for those families affected by the floods. If you have any new or lightly used toys that you would like to donate; they can be dropped off at either East Mills school building or at the Malvern Community Building. For more information, or if you would like to volunteer, please contact Jeannie Barney at 402-650-7385 or Mrs. Marburger with East Mills Schools at 712-624-8645. Your donations will be greatly appreciated!!

So Cyclone fans, here’s a scenario for you: It’s the 2021 NCAA Elite Eight, Nebraska vs Iowa State, in Kansas City (or somewhere close by)….can you imagine the price of those tickets?? As I’m sure all of you are aware, the most popular Iowa State Cyclone of all time has decided to head west and join Scott Frost in Lincoln to form what might be the coolest head coaching duo in college sports. Yes, it will be the Frosty and Freddy show in Lincoln as Nebraska has finally decided that enough (losing) is enough and is betting $25 million that Fred Hoiberg can take the Huskers to the promised land of college basketball. I actually thought most ISU fans would be upset by all of this, but most everyone I’ve spoken to are just thankful to Hoiberg for everything he has done for Cyclone basketball. However, each and every person I’ve talked to has also ended the conversation with pretty much the same comment: they hope ISU never has to play the Huskers in the NCAA tournament.

Speaking of the NCAA tournament, The Los Angeles Times recently paid tribute to March Madness by coming out with their very own “Breakfast Cereal Power Rankings”. Now I admit, I love cereal, and not the good-for-you kind of cereal. I’m all about Fruit Loops (is there anything better at 11:00 p.m. at night than a bowl of Loops??), Frosted Flakes, Cap’n Crunch, and when I can find it, Quisp (remember the little martian??). Yes, I will occasionally throw down some Raisin Bran as a sort of Valentine’s Day card to my colon, but otherwise I’m all about the sugar. The Times rated each cereal based solely on flavor and the quality of the cereal milk (people drink the leftover milk? Yuck…). I would have also measured the degree of sogginess - there is a reason why I eat 8 little bowls instead of two big bowls…nothing worse than soggy cereal!! BTW, the winner of the highly scientific LA Times rankings?? Cinnamon Toast Crunch, followed closely by Honey Nut Cheerios and Cocoa Puffs.

Received this from my wife last week: A wife recently bought her husband a ‘Get Better Soon’ card. He wasn’t sick, she just thought he could do better…

Speaking of husband issues, President Trump recently called George Conway, husband of his top aide Kellyanne Conway, a “Total Loser”. I have a huge problem with this…why can’t someone be just a “half loser?” We always hear about people who aren’t “half bad” but when it comes to the loser category, it’s become all or nothing. I think it’s time we stood up for those people who have both loser and redeeming qualities. It’s kind of like talented and gifted students – can you be talented but not gifted?? Gifted but not talented?? Why do you have to be both?? And how did I talk about Donald Trump and TAG in the same paragraph?? Lots of things to ponder people….

Ok, one more husband joke (courtesy of Tom Shatel of the Omaha World-Herald): I recently told my wife that she needed to embrace her mistakes so she gave me a big hug…

One of my all-time favorite funny people, former Omaha World-Herald columnist/humorist Brad Dickson, recently put out a blog titled Real Sport/Not a Real Sport. In it he argued for and against various ‘sports’ being listed as real sports. Here are a few of my favorites:

Bowling – Not a real sport. Any activity that you do better after your fifth beer cannot be considered such.
Tennis – A real sport that requires an enormous amount of hand-eye coordination and an ability to grunt extremely loud.
Fishing – Yes, it’s a real sport. I’m kidding!! If fishing is a real sport then I’d have to include flossing, putting on your socks, tooting, and ordering at a drive-thru.
Curling – Less of a real sport than microwaving leftover burritos.
Rugby – Rugby players may be the toughest of all athletes considering that’s it legal to behead the guy running with the ball and then run away with the head as the opponents pursue you. Real Sport.

President Trump says that he will win the next election by “numbers we haven’t seen in years”. Nebraska football fans immediately responded, “One??” (For those of you who didn’t get that joke, Husker fans are a little spoiled and think it’s a birthright to be number one…I personally would take anything above 30 at this point)

And finally, after bashing on husbands this month, let’s finish with some positive husband news: A recent British Airways flight bound for Germany accidentally landed in Scotland. So next time your wife complains about anything that you’ve done wrong, just give her the old “yeah, but did you hear about those two pilots who landed their plane in the wrong country?”. Yes, it’s our ‘get out of jail free’ card gentleman. Enjoy!!

Until next time…(for all of you who get this electronically, don’t forget our forum tonight, April 1st) at East Mills High School on building credit….there will be free pizza!! And for everyone affected by the floods, please do not hesitate to call us here at the bank if you need anything at all…or if you just need someone to talk to…we’re here for you!

Jay