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Jay to the World December 2018

Well, the Husker/Hawkeye game literally ended 5 minutes ago and I must say…that was WAY more fun than last year. I know I’ve said this several times before, but games like today will quickly turn this rivalry into something special, especially when they start playing for division championships. Iowa is definitely a better program right now but I can now say with a fair amount of confidence that the days of the Huskers getting blown out by anybody are pretty much over. At least until Adrian Martinez graduates.

One more college football thought: I received a text from Kate (an ISU grad) Saturday night during the Iowa State/K-State game in which she indicated that she couldn’t handle the stress of such a close game. I texted her back and said something to the effect of “yeah, it’s much easier when you’re losing all the time”. That is why I felt so good at the end of the game with the Hawkeyes. Yes, the Huskers lost, but for the first time in a long time I felt emotionally involved watching Nebraska play and was actually a little nervous at the end. It was awesome.

I’m writing this particular paragraph November 12th (yes, this newsletter consumes WAY too much of my life for how little it actually offers any of you reading it), but I wanted to touch on the pretty awesome moment from a recent Saturday Night Live episode where cast member Pete Davidson issued a very necessary apology to Republican Congressional candidate Dan Crenshaw. For those of you who haven’t followed this story, Davidson mocked Mr. Crenshaw because he wears an eye patch due to a gruesome injury he suffered while deployed in Afghanistan. It was a tasteless joke that made me quite uncomfortable when I first heard it, so naturally I was relieved when Davidson went on air this past week to apologize. But what caught me and probably most people off guard was when Mr. Crenshaw suddenly appeared next to Davidson and accepted his apology. It was a moment that reminded me of how this country used to be, before all of this partisan rhetoric that’s endangered the moral fiber of this country. I know it’s not apples to apples, but I had a customer from Omaha who recently closed his account here because of something I said about the President in this newsletter. Usually I let things like this slide, but I decided to call this gentleman since we had never met… or even talked on the phone. We had a really good conversation, and while he didn’t change his mind about closing his account, we both realized during our conversation that once we took politics out of the equation, we really weren’t that different.

Oxford Dictionaries has named the word “toxic” as its winner of the annual Word of the Year Award. I agree that this particular word gets used a lot in today’s society, so we here at JTTW headquarters have come up with our own, slightly less-used word of the year, and that word is “bumfuzzle”. Bumfuzzle means confuse, perplex, or fluster, as in any time that I hear Sarah Huckabee Sanders speak, I am constantly bumfuzzled. I can’t wait to use it in public.

I read recently that President Trump is frustrated because there is a perception out there that Melania wears the pants in the family. I’ve never felt more connected to that man in my life.

A woman recently got a tattoo of her son’s name (Kevin), but after realizing that the tattoo was misspelled (Kelvin), she decided to just change her son’s name to match the tattoo. Wouldn’t it have been funny if his name was supposed to be Burt and the tattoo said…ok, bad example.

A government report on climate change was released on Black Friday and it sounds like we’re going to have
bunches of black Fridays…not to mention a lot of black Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays,
Thursdays, and Saturdays also. Now granted, our Commander-in-Chief, with his extensive background in
everything under the ever-intensifying sun, refuses to listen to the dozens of scientists who were hired by the
government to do the study, saying that it’s all a big hoax. Now I personally am a believer in climate change,
as for the same reason I don’t tell a trained pilot how to fly the plane, I also don’t feel that I can tell a trained
scientist about anything related to science. The problem with climate change is this – one side will be right
and one side will be wrong. Unfortunately, we won’t know the answer until it’s too late.

Did you read about the 69-year old Dutch man who is going to court to have his legal age lowered to 49 so it
will be easier for him to get dates?? I don’t have a joke for this (actually I do but it’s not suitable for this
newsletter), but I FINALLY have a reason to tell you about my experience at Adventureland this past
summer where I bet my daughter that the “age guessing person” wouldn’t be able to guess my age and that I
could win her a stuffed animal. Now I’m not telling you this to brag – Ok that’s exactly why I’m telling you
this – but that was literally like taking candy from a baby. Granted, I spent $5 and won a stuffed animal that
I’m guessing cost roughly 25 cents, but it was just the ego boost that I needed as I wandered around the
theme park in my long sleeves, carrying 2 bottles of sunblock, all while wearing my ever-present bucket hat.
And I wonder why my daughter doesn’t walk next to me anymore….

Studies suggest than being in a bad mood has social and cognitive benefits. I know I’ve said this before, but
it seems like every year one more study comes out that seems to pretty much confirm what I’ve always
thought. It’s really not me, it’s you.

I’m sure you’ve seen Nebraska’s new tourism slogan – “honestly, it’s not for everyone” – so I thought it
might be time for Iowa to come up with a new slogan also. So without further adieu, here are my top 4
possible tourism slogans for our great state:

1. Once you take away everything Steve King says or stands for, he’s really not a bad guy.
2. If you build it, they will come…to tax the holy begeezus out of it.
3. Give us Scott Frost and we’ll give back Carter Lake…They have a casino!!
4. Missouri River?? No, that’s the equator…it’s toasty warm over here!

And finally, January 21st is National Squirrel Appreciation Day. It’s also National Hug Day. So let me be
the first person to officially announce that January 21st, 2019 will now be known as National Hug a Squirrel
Day. Just watch the nuts.

I’m really not proud of any of this….

Until Next Time… Have a Merry Christmas!!


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